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Coaching
Break through negative emotions and transform your life
Posted by: Tony Robbins
Many Americans struggle with feelings that they are not good enough. Our high-powered culture is competitive and encourages us to look outside ourselves for our self-worth. Magazines show us the ideal body, movies show us unrealistic love stories and television shows us all of the things we could own, if only we had more money. On top of that, many of us carry trauma and internalized beliefs that create fears we may not even be aware of.
It’s no wonder so many of us find ourselves asking, “Why am I not good enough?” at some point in our lives. But studies have found that basing our self-esteem on external sources, like appearance, academics or the opinions of others, can cause anxiety and even lead to more alcohol use.
To truly achieve the life you deserve, you have to examine what drives you and determine the deeper reasons you feel like you’re not good enough.
Why am I not good enough?
No matter how you feel, it’s important to know that you are good enough. The truth is that everyone is good enough. The real question to ask yourself is, “Why am I not feeling good enough?” As Tony says, “Things do not have meaning. We assign meaning to everything.” Examining why you’re assigning this meaning to your feelings will reveal deeper truths about your fears and desires – and set you on a path to feeling good enough, once and for all.
Limiting beliefs
Limiting beliefs are our internalized beliefs about who we are and what we are good at. They’re often formed in childhood, where we learned to seek the love of our caretakers by acting a certain way, but they can also be influenced by events later in life. Limiting beliefs affect our lives in many subtle ways. If we do badly on a test, get in a car accident or lose a competition, we might tell ourselves that we’re not good enough. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not – we let these beliefs color the picture of our entire lives and keep us from achieving our dreams.
Self-talk
Self-talk is your internal monologue – the conversation you have with yourself throughout the day. If you feel you’re not good enough, it’s essential to catch any negative self-talk and change those words to empowering ones. Ask yourself: Would I say this to my best friend? Would I treat anyone else the negative way I treat myself? We’re often much harder on ourselves than we are on others, but with mindfulness and dedication, we can change our story.
External factors
Even when you know that you are good enough, other people can quickly ruin your confidence. When you nail a presentation at work and receive negative feedback, or go for that big promotion and get turned down, it’s easy to think you’re not good enough. When someone doesn’t return our phone calls, stands us up on a date or breaks off a relationship, we tell ourselves we weren’t good enough for them. Focusing on external factors like these only brings frustration and pain into our lives. Focusing on what you can control is the only way to make peace with yourself.
Expectations
You cannot control anyone else’s actions – no matter how many expectations you put on them. Sara Matt struggled with expectations of others that made her feel not good enough. She thought that if she gave gifts to the people in her life, she could expect affection and the love she wanted in return. Sara learned the hard way that that’s not how personal relationships work. She had to let go of her expectations and stop turning to others for her own personal fulfillment. Watch the video below to see how Sara transformed from “not good enough” to an extraordinary life filled with love and success.
How to know that you are good enough
Our relationships with ourselves and with others can make us feel like we’re not good enough – but they don’t have to. The truth is that your worth isn’t based on what others think of you – and you can change your mindset and assign a different meaning to events in your life. You can stop asking “Why am I not good enough?” and start asking “How can I face my fears and live the life I desire?”
Results Coaching helped Sara improve her self-esteem and advance in other areas she felt she was lacking. Creating real, measurable SMART goals – and reaching them with the help of her coach – was an empowering and life-changing experience. In a four-step process, it can do the same for you.
Step 1: Face your fears
When you start asking yourself the right questions about why you’re not feeling good enough, you’ll find it’s related to fear and anxiety. A Results Coach will help you pinpoint the reason why you’re feeling insecure. Most likely, you’re afraid of not reaching your full potential. When you put off making progress toward your goals, you start existing in a perpetual state of anxiety. This makes you think that obstacles are bigger than they actually are, and causes you to doubt yourself.
A well-trained Results Coach can help you identify the limiting beliefs standing in your way. Why did you start believing you’re not good enough? Was it because you failed at a task in the past, or because someone told you you were incapable? Once you can identify the reason why you’re afraid to grow, then you can begin to make progress.
Step 2: Become accountable
It’s one thing to tell yourself repeatedly that you’re not living up to your potential – it’s another thing to do something about it. You have to find the drive within yourself that will propel you to succeed, and a Results Coach is there to help you along the way. Your loved ones want to support you in your endeavors, but they won’t always be able to provide you with the open feedback that a coach will.
That being said, a coach will not dictate the exact steps you need to take to achieve your goal. Instead, they’ll help you identify clear objectives and ask you if you’re making the right moves to follow through with your goals. A Results Coach will never push you to do things you’re uncomfortable with; they’ll just remind you of your values, call you out when you’re slipping up and always point out that you are good enough.
Step 3: Re-focus on your goals
Think of all the time you’ve spent not feeling good enough. What could you have accomplished if you put that time to good use instead? A Results Coach will help you not only identify your ultimate goals, but limit your distractions. If you say you want to work on getting in better shape, but insist you don’t have time to regularly go to the gym, a Results Coach can help you identify gaps in your schedule where you’re mismanaging time. A coach can help you see that if you want something badly enough, and have the hunger to go after it, you can achieve anything. The reasons you think you’re not good enough are merely excuses you’ve created because of your own fears and limiting beliefs.
Step 4: Create a personalized plan
A coach will never tell you what to do with your life, but they will help you identify real, measurable goals that will set you on the path from not feeling good enough to a place of self-love and worth. Your chosen coach has already reached success in his or her own life, and undergoes 250 hours of annual training to remain up-to-date on the best strategies to help you succeed. During your time with your coach, they’ll create an extraordinary plan that helps you achieve the incredible results you’ve been envisioning, but have been too afraid to chase after on your own.
The minute you know that you are good enough, your life will change for the better. As Tony Robbins says, “Whatever you hold in your mind on a consistent basis is exactly what you will experience in your life.” Not everyone has the knowledge to change their story on their own, and that’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Working with someone who has the knowledge you need, like a Tony Robbins Results Coach, will help you build confidence in your skills, which will ultimately make you feel empowered to go after the success you know you’re capable of.
