Why Can Chess Feel So Personal and Painful to Lose At? - Chess Forums (2024)

It is because there is no luck involved in chess. When you sit down at the board across from your opponent, both of you know about this absence of luck. It is a Battle! A battle of wits, and creativity, and strategy. And if you lose, you have nobody to blame but yourself. That is why it can sting. Few people derive pleasure from the knowledge that somebody just plain played better than they did.

Uh-oh, another one of these "no luck" guys...

I feel ya! But I'd rather lose a game and learn something than win and game and learn nothing. Well- that's given that I learn from those mistakes.

Sometimes I laugh when I win and in otb it sometimes makes the other guy mad and that makes me laugh all the more!

There’s nothing in my life that affects me like chess. I’m embarrassed to say it but I feel like going absolutely crazed when I lose 3 min games sometimes..I love chess and hate it wrapped in one. There’s nothing in my life I try harder at and still suck at imo. I’m around expert strength and have a life goal of making master but no clue of it will ever happen. Gets so much harder as you get higher.

It's because some place Chess on a pedestal of games and take it too seriously. The reality is, it's just a game. You win some, you lose some. It can take a few moves to realise you've made a blunder, but just play out the game, analyse and try not to repeat the mistake next time.

I feel bad only when I lose in a painful way. Like when I blunder checkmate. Or a piece. But if my opponent finds a totally awesome queen sacrifice I don't feel so bad anyway, when its my fault that I lost, I get mad at myself.

Rather than focusing on the "hurt" that losing has caused try focusing on why you lost did you blunder? did you not know your opening as well as you should? do you go after material rather than play tactics? I always try to learn and improve with each game...and trust me I have lots to learn...

Great topic and discussion. I feel the pain, too. I need to find patience with my game. I've only been seriously playing about 3 weeks. haha. Good luck, all. Be kind and patient with yourselves. Peace.

Umm... My toe itches!

I feel the same way. I am waiting for something to 'click' and I'll get it. Great name, too.

I will fart on you!

There’s nothing special about chess losses. I’ve seen grown men cry when their football team loses, and they aren’t even playing.

Nothing in my life upsets me more than chess or makes me feel so mediocre. Can’t remember how many things I’ve broken when I become completely enraged after a loss. I’m 50 and a successful person by most measures in my normal,daily life. I’ve played since 12. Around 2000 strength but can’t get over a certain hump. It’s brutal and makes me feel worthless. Will always love the game but I’m very aware how problematic it is as well in my life.

Just the nature of being ultra competitive with something you’re passionate about.

My wife knows not to talk to me for a few mins after I have this specific look on my face after a game… she just knows lol

Engulfed in rage and frustration, once it goes away I’m eager to learn and study were I went wrong wrong.

Very interesting emotional roller coaster. Lol

idk why but I don't get mad or depressed after I lose a game (unless it was completely winning), I just shake it off and move on to the next one

Likely 2 reasons:

1. You are competitive, and hate losing
2. You lose rating points
   1. So you are more angry if you lose and are already on a tilt, which I believe many people are more angry then, and this is likely why.

Feeling sad and depressed after losing a chess game can be normal. In fact, Im an 1100 rated player on rapid and i've accomplished this rating in less than a year. When I first started, (like 200 or 300 rated) i used to smash my phone on the ground every time i lost. Now the back of my phone is cracked and i've stopped doing that. What I recommend for you if you keep losing is honestly not care! rating is just a number! it doesn't tell your real skill. If a person loses at chess, it does not say that you are stupid. Maybe you were having a bad day, or you weren't as skilled as your opponent. Nowadays , i only play on chess.com when I'm in a good mood and I'm all alone so that i can focus. But I also talk in my chess games online so that i can go all in into my chess mood. Also I just laugh when i lose. Although inside I'm a little broken, who cares? In your childhood when you play games and lose its the same exact thing. Chess is just a game! Don't take it seriously! I'm in my childhood right now lol I'm not even 12 and I'm writing this telling everyone that they really should not worry, and either way, losing leads more winning games!

The game is just soul crushing. One step forward, two back. It sucks

I don’t like losing but who does. Hey I’m just like everyone else.